I'm dreaming of a smokey Christmas

'Hey honey, thanks for preheating the oven...'


Check out the full story.

Quit yer wine bashing!

Dana knows how to raise boys. They are polite, friendly, and most importantly, they know exactly the right moment to kick a soccer ball if they want to smash a glass full of red wine. Check out the full story.

Christine's little weight problem

My sister had a slight luggage malfunction and showed up to our place with a shitload of bags and kids. Check out the full story.

I've been naughty all year

David has, how should I put this... an unusual taste in toys? A penchant for destruction? A knack for completely demolishing whatever it is you like and then laughing his tiny ass off only to make things worse?

Read the full story to find out how David made his halo glow for a full two minutes.

Attack of the Killer Butterfly

This is the blue Morpho Butterfly that haunted Angie's dreams and deprived her of the much needed 'happy' sleep. The true damage of this flying bug was only realized the following day when the full effects of not sleeping began to unfold. Check out the full story.

List 1 of 267

Peter has finally discovered the wonderful and magical 'Santa List'. Every time a freakin' commercial comes on, I need to get out my pen and paper to jot down Peter's latest demand. What I really want to do is to tell that fat-ass Santa to quit stuffing his cookie-hole and set a 'limit' on how many items go on his 'list'. Read the full story.

Fuzz Mouth

According to Angie, we almost lost Tom's tongue. Considering how blissfully quiet things would be without his tongue, I am not sure how thankful I should be that Tommy's little 'black fungus' was actually fuzz from Angie's sweater. Check out the full story.

Barb babysits

Red, red wine...

I hate geese

There has been some confusion, so let me explain. The man in the half-coat is supposed to be St. Martin, not me. He is pissed at the goose for revealing his position. To read the full story.

The ear doctor said what?

Peter had a big ball of ear wax jammed in his ear. Peter did not like the techniques the doctor used to get it out. Peter freaked the freak out on the freaky ear doctor.

High on a hill a lonely goat heard...

David has no fear. This is great when it comes to punk-slapping mafia thugs. It's not so great when it comes to diving off of cliffs without my consent. See the full story.

Just for fun

Yes, I thought it would be fun to take the boys to the pool.

No, I did not check that the pool would be open on Sundays.

Sue me.

David kwon do

Today, David was definitely in a 'family' mood. He felt like sharing the pain with everyone in the family. See the full story.

Spider dude

Don't ask me to explain this one - this is Peter's freaky imagination. As I tucked him into bed, he told me about a fairy that could turn him into spiderbug. This, of course, just begged me to make fun of him.

Mommy cruelest

In this scene, Angie was the cruel Mama who forgot to pack Peter's favorite drink. In this case - Actimel. Peter - this is a healthy drink and you are a child; you should not like these.

Shoo fly shoo

No real story here. Angie and I had lunch and a fly landed in her soup. The funny part for me was when she freaked out like a little girl and refused to eat for the rest of the day.

The brown smudge

So then I started drawing a series of cartoons which I would 'sneak' into Peter's lunches for kindergarten. In this first one, the brown smudge is chocolate, but you will simply have to trust me on that one.

David

So then David was sketched and the whole thing started.

Peter

This was what started it all...

It began with a simple cartoon left on the toilet roll for Peter to enjoy. He liked it so much, he begged me to draw David...

The Snot Shot

Tom is already trying to prove himself. By catapulting boogers onto Mama's arm, he already wins me over. Check out the story.

Muddy Flowers

Mud, weaving, and old ladies. What else could you ask for? Check out the story.

Snooze

It takes a big man to admit when he looks like a jackass. I am a big man. Check out the story.

The ice-pop blues

While the rest of us were jumping for joy, Peter, for some strange reason, was sad that Pop-pop's visit was over. Check out the goodbye story.

Floating 101

In this bath, we were testing out different fruits to see which ones would float, but it all started with a little grape stomping.

Tom's point of view

Angie got annoyed that Tom was not coming out. I pointed out the chaos that is our family and asked why the hell anyone would willingly submit themselves to our family. Angie's frustration can be seen in this story.

David's Typical Day

David started this tradition months ago when our cat, Gizma, accidentally scratched him. This traumatic experience has obviously stuck with him and he now relives the moment in daily episodes of 'What was the worst part of your day?' Check out the story to see the first time it really happened.

Sweet Dreams

It all started with an itsy bitsy spider.

Nonameyet

Nonameyet became a predominant segment of the blog. Check out the story where he first hit the scene.

Peter da Vinci

Peter's first day at art class. The whole experience was slightly overshadowed by a minor mishap involving an empty circus. Check out the story.

Another fun art story was when Peter discovered the joys of spitballing.

What is the Toilet Roll?

I write a family blog called The Johnson's Zoo. At one point, I began drawing silly little cartoons on strips of toilet paper, normally related to the events of that day. My son thought they were hilarious, so I kept drawing them and hanging them on our bathroom mirror for him to enjoy.

After a few weeks, I found out that my wife had been keeping them. When I asked why, she said they were funny. I took a picture of one for my wife's birthday, titled Happy Buttday! I liked how it turned out, so I decided to launch this site dedicated to our family's crappy art.

Enjoy. Or not.