That's it!

Peter has a presentation at school tomorrow, unless you ask him. Then Freak-out Boy would tell you that he has a REALLY MAJORLY HUGE PANICK-WORTHY LIFE-CHANGING event that's apparently is going down sometime tomorrow before lunch.

After dinner, Peter forced all family members to form a half-circle and jumped on an imaginary stage to wow the crowd. He had a bowl filled with water, an empty tea-light, and two gummy bears.

The presentation was actually an experiment to prove that air is not nothing. I refrained from making wise cracks that involved my wife or blondes, but mainly because Peter had started hyperventilating.

'Peter, calm down. What's the problem?'

'I,...I...ca...ca....can't remember how it goes!'

The experiment was one that Angie had done for her class and had shown him a few weeks ago. He had thought it was so cool that he would use that for his scientific debut.

'No problem, buddy! Mama showed that to you a few weeks ago; I'm sure she can show you how it goes.'

I turned to Angie. Blank look. Crickets.

Angie does an experiment for her class every week, so it took a few seconds for her to realize exactly which experiment Peter was expecting to save the day.

'Right! Hold on, I'll go google it...'

Peter started pacing the living room as David and Tom made farting noises from their front-row seats. It was getting late, so I thought I would add my words of wisdom.

'Peter, it's getting late. If it doesn't work out, you can always go with the baking soda-vinegar volcano...'

'No, Papa. I have to...'

It was at that point that Angie stood up from the computer and shouted.

'That's it!'

Angie then stormed off down the hallway and Peter and I both assumed that Mama had blown a gasket and was fed up with dealing with things like her children's emotions.

Peter full-on lost it. It was hard to even scoop him up to comfort him because he was more blubbery than one of those 'Water Snake Wigglies'.

'Mama said "that's it" and now "that's it". I don't have anything for tomorrow! Nothing!'

'Don't forget the volcano.'

'Papa! That's not funny. You know that I need to...'

It was at that point that Angie came back from the kitchen with a glass.

'Um, Steve...why is Peter crying?'

After a few confusing minutes, we finally understood each other. This never happens.

Angie's 'That's it!' followed by her abrupt storming down the hallway actually translated to 'That's it! That's the lesson plan explaining what we need for this experiment. And now, instead of sharing this tid-bit with my hyper-nervous first-born, I'm going to walk off to the kitchen to get the needed supplies very quickly without explaining my outburst to anyone.'

Peter then moved on to show us how an upside-down glass could submerge the empty tea-light with the two gummy bears inside for the ride to the bottom of the bowl without ruining the treats.

'Ta-da!'

I turned to Angie.

'That's it?'

'Hey! Better than a volcano.'

Cat Scratch Fever

If you ever find yourself on the way home from a long day at work and are confronted by a meowing cat, shivering in the rain and begging you to scoop him up and take him to safety, don't. Just don't.

I was on my way back from the garage when Luke ran up to me and purred to me rather convincingly. It was pouring and I was racing home to get out of the rain, so I scooped him up and ran to the side gate. For some reason, though, this was locked and I don't have a key to the side gate.

Me, being brighter than the sun and Angie combined, decided to carry our cat around the garden to the main entrance. Everything was fine and dandy until we reached the Hauptstraße.

For you foreigners, Hauptstraße means 'Main Street'. It's also called the 'Fußgängerzone', which translates to the 'Foot-goers zone'. The translation means Jack, though - the real point is that cats apparently do not like that street.

I was cradling our cold and shivering feline as we approached the rather busy 'Hauptstraße'. As we turned the corner, it became painfully obvious that 'kitty no like...'. You can pretty much end that sentence with anything.

Kitty no like people.

Kitty no like noise.

Kitty no like master's face.

So yeah, if you ever find yourself on the way home from a long day at work and are confronted by a meowing cat, shivering in the rain and begging you to scoop him up and take him to safety, don't. Just don't.