Bringing home the bacon

Angie will soon return to the land of the working!! Angie was really happy because it will give her a break from the kids. Since she will be teaching a whole classroom of the ankle-biters, this did not make much sense to me, but then again, I'm not Angie. This is good, since I would hate not understanding me.

Check out them toes

David managed to piss off a non-family member by screaming out 'Look, Mama! She has the same feet as you!' In the end, we realized that David was not referring to how smelly Angie's feet are; he was simply pointing out that the toenails on both sets of feet were red. At least the water playground was packed. After a few seconds, Angie's cheeks matched her toenails.

Feeding time

Tom tries so hard to make me laugh, but I don't find dirty diapers and crying to be particularly hilarious. At dinner, he finally unlocked the door to my funny room. Covering Mama in...well, anything will always crack me up. Way to go, Tommy!

I wanna see you whistle, boy!

I guess Peter finally had enough of me giving him shit that he could not whistle. When it actually happened, though, I think it surprised him more than me. At the same time, I think it pissed me off more than him. Damn him! Now I need to find a totally new way of making fun of him. Check out the full story.

The Funny Bunny Blues

After this year's Easter egg hunt, I walked out of the living room to find Peter grinning at me with blue lips. My first thought was 'holy shit!'. My second reaction was 'holy shit!'.

After the holy number two twice, it finally dawned on me that Peter's blue lips were not the result of some freaky make-up malfuncton. No, for some other freaky non-Easter reason, Peter decided to see how the blue egg from his basket tasted.

If you ask me, it tasted funny.

Pop! goes the wrist bone

Eisi took out some built up aggression on Peter's hand today while high-fiving. Luckily, the birthday boy drinks milk on a regular basis. Check out the full story.

Reject-o-matic

If Angie continues to piss me off, which is not too far of a stretch for my imagination, I might just contact the dealer to have this lovely extra added. It would certainly thrill Peter, who would love nothing more than to believe that our family wagon has a built-in ejection button. Check out the full story.

Katherina, what the hell are you doing?

Baby showers are not really that well known in Germany, so you really gotta explain that it involves more than just a big belly and a garden hose. Check out the full story.

The hamper monster

Angie has long been frightened of the bottom of the hamper. Today, I think I discovered why. Check out the details.

Dinner's ready!

I love Angie. You should see her prepare a meal fit for kings. The way she picks up the phone, the way she slowly dials the number - the way she says 'Johnson's...the usual...click.' It's amazing. Check out the full story.

Wake me up when I'm bald

Note to David: Never, ever, EVER fall asleep with a stranger who has a shaver. I found this out the hard way at a party back in my Navy days.

Toasted Sister

On my sister's last day, she tried becoming a statistic. On average, 15 people a year kill themselves by sticking a knife or fork in the toaster. For Christine, it was a fork.

I came back from picking up the car to take her to the airport and found that all of the lights in our apartment were off. Before I could begin troubleshooting, Chris spoke out from the dark.

'Steve, I did something really stupid...'

Yes, you did. And hopefully this will blog home the point.

I'm dreaming of a smokey Christmas

'Hey honey, thanks for preheating the oven...'


Check out the full story.

Quit yer wine bashing!

Dana knows how to raise boys. They are polite, friendly, and most importantly, they know exactly the right moment to kick a soccer ball if they want to smash a glass full of red wine. Check out the full story.

Christine's little weight problem

My sister had a slight luggage malfunction and showed up to our place with a shitload of bags and kids. Check out the full story.

I've been naughty all year

David has, how should I put this... an unusual taste in toys? A penchant for destruction? A knack for completely demolishing whatever it is you like and then laughing his tiny ass off only to make things worse?

Read the full story to find out how David made his halo glow for a full two minutes.

Attack of the Killer Butterfly

This is the blue Morpho Butterfly that haunted Angie's dreams and deprived her of the much needed 'happy' sleep. The true damage of this flying bug was only realized the following day when the full effects of not sleeping began to unfold. Check out the full story.

List 1 of 267

Peter has finally discovered the wonderful and magical 'Santa List'. Every time a freakin' commercial comes on, I need to get out my pen and paper to jot down Peter's latest demand. What I really want to do is to tell that fat-ass Santa to quit stuffing his cookie-hole and set a 'limit' on how many items go on his 'list'. Read the full story.

Fuzz Mouth

According to Angie, we almost lost Tom's tongue. Considering how blissfully quiet things would be without his tongue, I am not sure how thankful I should be that Tommy's little 'black fungus' was actually fuzz from Angie's sweater. Check out the full story.

Barb babysits

Red, red wine...